End of an era...

"He rangi ta matawhaiti, he rangi ta matawhanui"
"A person with narrow vision has a restricted horizon; a person with wide vision has plentiful opportunities"

At the start of 2024 I made a promise to myself to slow down from the fast paced life I had been living for the previous 18months. To reduce the mileage I was travelling, the events and occasions I was attending, and to simply enjoy the slower pace of life. However, unfortunately at the beginning of February 2024 those plans had been pushed to one side and the limited free time I had, got further reduced when I took on a role of main carer for a relative who suddenly took ill. My plans to stop, reflect, pause and make future plans were instantly erased and replaced with the well known feelings of dig your heels in deep and get the job done.

2024 was also the year when the Summer months saw an explosion of Taylor Swift fans attending the Eras tour within the UK. A tour designed to celebrate the 17years, and numerous eras Taylor had been producing music. This blog post, as emotional as it has been for me to write, is a celebration of the lessons, achievements and outcomes I have encountered through my own small flock of sheep and continued hands on farm work I have experienced over the past ten years and everything that has gone along with it.

2024 was the year I decided to sell up the sheep and let them all go. It's an end of an era for me.

My flock of Lleyn ewes first started in the summer of 2018 when I purchased only five yearling ewes from a family friend who had been breeding Lleyn ewes for a number of years. My breed of choice wasn't really a priority to me at the time, and I encountered a large number of neighbouring farmer critics who told me they thought I was silly for buying such a prolific breed that was no longer in fashion. However, we used to run Lleyn ewes on the farm back in 2014 and I was aware of how well they suited and performed on our landscape therefore, it was a no brainer for me to start where I had the limited knowledge already. Before 2018 I had spent the previous three years working with other peoples flocks and I had made the decision to start my own.

My reasoning for the flock was not built up based on a good aesthetically looking animal. Don't get me wrong I admire all those people who spend countless hours showing and breeding prize winning livestock, but for me it was not about the perfectly pristine exterior of the animal that made me want to work with them, but rather more of what lay beneath the skin and the genetic layout that formed their being. The organs and functions that drove them to produce what they do whilst surviving the elements they live within.

New Zealand 2014, as those who have followed my story from day one will know, taught me a lot about running a farming business from both a practical and financial point of view. And it was their non-sentimental approach to their livestock management that has stayed with me the most. If the data and figures on paper were not showcasing what they needed to be, tough decisions were made. Performance decision were made.

When I came home from New Zealand in 2015 and got my first lambing job in Scotland, again I came to witness the power of data selection within the large scale sheep farms and I was lucky to obtain a farm tour on a well known sheep and beef farm in the Scottish Borders. Once again the genetic performance terms were of higher priority rather than the aesthetics.

I'd arrived back from New Zealand with a completely different mindset to how I had left. I'd left in 2014 with a real sentimental attachment to my rural community, family farm and naïve idealistic farming lifestyle. I'm not saying all of the sentimental feelings have completely disappeared, after all I am human. I have just been fortunate to have known the succession plans for our farm for over 15 years, therefore, I came home from New Zealand with a completely different mindset and attitude of how I wanted my farming and agricultural journey to lead.

Since selling the sheep I have been asked a number of times if I am upset the sheep have gone. People seem really surprised when I tell them that the sheep were only ever an investment for me. A project to broaden my knowledge, learn new skills and gain the practical understanding of running my own livestock system. An investment in legs not wheels. I always had the reminder in the back of my mind that the farm would never be mine. A reminder of the conversations with great businessmen and women in both the UK and international agricultural businesses who had expanded my understanding of running a successful livestock enterprise. Along with a reminder of the plans to either take the flock with me if I was fortunate to have my own place or sell them if needed to.

Has the decision to sell now felt shit? Absolutely. 100%. However, realistically was now the right time to get out. 100%. Absolutely! Have I cried many tears since they have left the farm. Initially no. Whilst writing this blog post? Thousands of tears have fallen down my face. And with the 2025 lambing season upon us, the quiet, empty sheds appear lifeless. It's shit! That's all I can say.

I came to the decision I was going to sell the ewes at the start of 2024, long before all the family health issues appeared. My personal health had taken a battering for the previous 2 lambing seasons. I had come to the realisation after some difficult conversations with myself, which had been the hardest things to accept and understand, is the fact that both our physical bodies as well as our mindsets have limits. Limits on what they can and can't do. The mindset challenges I overcame 10 years ago, but it was the physical challenges for me which were the hardest to understand. I have always been someone who has been quite stubborn. Determined to get a job done even if it initially appeared impossible. However, it was the physical challenges with my Type one diabetes which kept hindering me the most.

I had two conversations with close friends in the second half of 2024. Both female. Both farming. Whom both agreed that some women, not all, are not built for long term, physically intense work. However, with the right farming team around them, there are other areas within the agricultural industry that they can succeed and be a strong team member....and no I don't just mean in the kitchen! Our bodies are built differently and we have to be realistic. My diabetes has made me realise this. Livestock work, tractor work, fixing fences, updating paperwork, working full time off farm and caring for a family member. I couldn't do it all. Something had to give.

In the final year of owning my flock I had achieved the ideal scanning percentage for my system. I had the lowest number of assisted lambing's (only 4) and my lameness cases were limited. I had achieved the highest prices for fat lambs in market I had ever achieved before and I was extremely proud of the uniformity of data I had gathered for my breeding ewes with regard to body condition scores (BCS), colostrum quality and daily liveweight gains. Collecting data throughout my timeline of owning livestock got me to this point. Data was key for me.

The first tears fell in December 2024 when a message from my sheep scanner read 'that it was a shame I had sold them (the ewes) because they were a bl**dy good flock'. That compliment hit hard, but it was one I was so proud to have finally received.

A few years ago I read a quote from an Australian farmer I follow online which read "You will always be a farmer, but you are not the farm". It's a quote which has stuck with me. The knowledge and skills I have gained over this past 10years is mine and only mine. I am fortunate to work in a job that interacts with hard working, resilient farmers, day in day out. I have been lucky to work alongside great agricultural consultants, vets, inspiring discussion group members and farming families who make me believe day in day out that this is the best industry to work within. Succession in agriculture, as far as I am concerned, still has a long way to go. I am just thankful for the discussions I have had over 15 years ago that changed my mindset on what outcome I wanted to achieve.

I'm a strong believer that whatever it is you love will find the right path for you. The demographics of my family and friendship groups have changed dramatically in recent years with the arrival of children and the relocations of homes. Priorities are different and this is now my time to prioritise my future.

My farming journey isn't completely over. We still have tack sheep which keep me busy, and the growing paperwork keeps me entertained shall we say. My sheep are gone for now, but who knows what the future may bring.

Until next time.

Hx

P.S.
If anyone sees me shaking in a corner in March, find me a lambing shed to help a farmer as I guarantee that will sort me right out!