Life gets tough sometimes....
With this week marking mental health awareness week, it felt right that I should try and write something about my own personal journey.
The last few months have been tough, and I'm not afraid to admit it that I have been struggling both physically and mentally. There are times in life where we put our bodies into overdrive, run them like a machine on turbo power until they reach a point where by they are about to break. After gran passed away at the beginning of April, I began to see and feel signs of my depression symptoms returning which were similar to the ones I experienced when my grandfather passed away in 2011. It made me sit up and consider whether I needed some help with this new wave of grief I was experiencing, or whether the coping strategies I had learnt previously would get me through. However, it wasn't until I had some mental health first aid training with the DPJ Foundation through work that I realised something was actually wrong.
I'm currently three weeks in to getting one-to-one counselling and I'm so grateful I found the courage to send that email to book an appointment in order for me to get help and advice. That for me felt like the tough part was over, but it has only just begun.
I almost feel like a fraud, as I have spent the past five years informing you all about my journey with depression and how I have found ways to overcome it through my career and adventures within agriculture. But it appears my depression has only been a very small fragment of my story through living with my own mental health.
I've come to learn in the first couple of counselling sessions that it is actually anxiety that I have been battling with, which in turn caused my depression to flair up, which in turn, has again returned to me struggling with anxiety but on a much larger scale. Anxiety was something which had never crossed my mind, I'd always envisioned anxiety as someone having a panic attack and breathing into a paper bag because they had wound themselves up so much when it came to carrying out a certain task. I'm not aware that I've ever experienced a panic attack, and therefore it's taken some time for the news to sink in and for me to realise that situations have happend in my life simply because of my mindset and ways of irrational thinking which my anxiety has caused. I simply thought it was the 'done thing' to every now and then get stressed out about things, it's what being an adult is all about right? Wrong!
It's been fascinating to learn how our brains are wired to work and these valuable one-to-one sessions have provided me with an understanding of what areas of my brain have completely taken over and taken complete control of my life and mindset, and which areas have worryingly completely switched off.
There is no denying that nearly every person battles with anxiety at some point in their lives, whether it's a small amount of anxiety or chronic . It's raising my awareness of the fact that it really really is so important to talk to someone, anyone, when you are not completely feeling yourself. When your unsure about feelings and situations within your life. So what if you think you'll sound stupid or pathetic, it's a start. It's a start to you getting the thoughts that you can't control or understand out of your head and into the area of trust you feel most confident. This could be your best friend, a parent or family member, on a piece of paper or in a journal or an actual counsellor like I have chosen. Just get it out of your head where someone else can help you understand what's going on. We hear so many celebrity stories of how they have needed to get counselling to help them out, why should we be any different?
I'm aware this new journey of discovery is going to be a completely new road for me to travel. It's going to take a very long time to get used to living my life with a completely new mindset. There's been a recent song released which has lyrics in it that is continuously stuck in my head. It is by a woman called Lauren Daigle and the line in the song is
'Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know'
This has never felt so true and felt so strong to me right now. I'm just glad I was aware of the fact I needed that little bit of extra help to get me through the grief of loosing my grandmother.
I have never been at a stage in my life where I have thought it would be better if I just finish it, that there was no point in me being around anymore. And I am extremely thankful that I have never had to encounter those types of personal feelings. I am just very grateful that I am aware when things are not quite right, and am able to find the confidence to do something about it, even though it takes a very long time for me to take that first step.
So if you are reading this and you are not quite feeling yourself at the moment. If you are feeling lost or as if there is no point in continuing on with your life. Just make me one promise, that you will turn to someone and just talk. There is always someone out there willing to listen and help you through your tough situations.
Until next time.
H xx
The last few months have been tough, and I'm not afraid to admit it that I have been struggling both physically and mentally. There are times in life where we put our bodies into overdrive, run them like a machine on turbo power until they reach a point where by they are about to break. After gran passed away at the beginning of April, I began to see and feel signs of my depression symptoms returning which were similar to the ones I experienced when my grandfather passed away in 2011. It made me sit up and consider whether I needed some help with this new wave of grief I was experiencing, or whether the coping strategies I had learnt previously would get me through. However, it wasn't until I had some mental health first aid training with the DPJ Foundation through work that I realised something was actually wrong.
I almost feel like a fraud, as I have spent the past five years informing you all about my journey with depression and how I have found ways to overcome it through my career and adventures within agriculture. But it appears my depression has only been a very small fragment of my story through living with my own mental health.
I've come to learn in the first couple of counselling sessions that it is actually anxiety that I have been battling with, which in turn caused my depression to flair up, which in turn, has again returned to me struggling with anxiety but on a much larger scale. Anxiety was something which had never crossed my mind, I'd always envisioned anxiety as someone having a panic attack and breathing into a paper bag because they had wound themselves up so much when it came to carrying out a certain task. I'm not aware that I've ever experienced a panic attack, and therefore it's taken some time for the news to sink in and for me to realise that situations have happend in my life simply because of my mindset and ways of irrational thinking which my anxiety has caused. I simply thought it was the 'done thing' to every now and then get stressed out about things, it's what being an adult is all about right? Wrong!
It's been fascinating to learn how our brains are wired to work and these valuable one-to-one sessions have provided me with an understanding of what areas of my brain have completely taken over and taken complete control of my life and mindset, and which areas have worryingly completely switched off.
There is no denying that nearly every person battles with anxiety at some point in their lives, whether it's a small amount of anxiety or chronic . It's raising my awareness of the fact that it really really is so important to talk to someone, anyone, when you are not completely feeling yourself. When your unsure about feelings and situations within your life. So what if you think you'll sound stupid or pathetic, it's a start. It's a start to you getting the thoughts that you can't control or understand out of your head and into the area of trust you feel most confident. This could be your best friend, a parent or family member, on a piece of paper or in a journal or an actual counsellor like I have chosen. Just get it out of your head where someone else can help you understand what's going on. We hear so many celebrity stories of how they have needed to get counselling to help them out, why should we be any different?
I'm aware this new journey of discovery is going to be a completely new road for me to travel. It's going to take a very long time to get used to living my life with a completely new mindset. There's been a recent song released which has lyrics in it that is continuously stuck in my head. It is by a woman called Lauren Daigle and the line in the song is
'Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know'
This has never felt so true and felt so strong to me right now. I'm just glad I was aware of the fact I needed that little bit of extra help to get me through the grief of loosing my grandmother.
So if you are reading this and you are not quite feeling yourself at the moment. If you are feeling lost or as if there is no point in continuing on with your life. Just make me one promise, that you will turn to someone and just talk. There is always someone out there willing to listen and help you through your tough situations.
Until next time.
H xx
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