When the hard work starts to pays off

So this post has been a long time coming. Don't get me wrong there have been a number of occasions over the past year, 18months, when I have wanted to sit down and start typing because I was angry, disappointed and worst of all upset with things that were happening in my life. But I held back, bit my tongue, and waited for the hard times to pass.

The later half of 2016 was not great, hence the blogging silence, and that dreaded friend of mine, Mr D, raised its ugly head on two occasions in particular. But, the darkened moments passed and those two situations that occurred are no longer classed as important or required in my current lifestyle. I took a deep breath and let them go and more importantly it's been quite nice realising that looking back on the past really doesn't interest me anymore.

On an extremely happier note, 2017 has been pretty exciting so far even if I didn't feel confident as the new year entered. The hard work over the past three years of battling Mr D, and the personal drive and determination to reach my dreams and goals in the agricultural industry has got me to a much happier place, a lot quicker than I first imagined and in some ways without me even realising what was unfolding in front of me. Good things really do come to those who wait......and of course to those that work their ass off for it!!!

My second year of my foundation degree can only be described as horrendous. I won't lie, it was tough. A number of times I even questioned myself as to why I was even going through this essay writing hell again, six years after I'd done it the first time round.  However, being awarded second year, student of the year, showed that the constant nagging of the lecturers, essay writing stress, late night typing and overall hard work was worth it, making the start of my summer quite a good one, especially when it involved some celebratory fizz.

Then came the new job offer. Eeeekkkk......not going to lie, this was flipping exciting news when the phone call came through with the job offer. I was over the moon with excitement and felt like I had been grinning from ear to ear for days after. I had just landed what can only be described as my dream job and I was eager to get started. The first two months have involved me travelling and learning loads, but I am so grateful I had the strength, bravery and determination to take the leap and apply for the role.

The final, and more personal excitement for myself was the positive step forward involving me purchasing my very own small flock of sheep. This may not shout excitement to many others, but this leap forward means a lot to me. Yes, I did say sheep, and those that know me well, know that I think they are animals that only wish to have the aim in life to die! But, they are my first big step on my own personal farming therapy story ladder, helping me overcome Mr D. 

Amongst all of this positivity, I have had the pleasure of meeting up with some of the amazing friends and family members I had the joy of spending time with whilst working and living in New Zealand. On meeting up each and every one of us couldn't believe how quickly the time had passed since I had left. Firstly came the family reunion with my distant cousin Llinos who lives in Sydney, and who I had the pleasure of spending a week with before I boarded the final part of my journey home from New Zealand. Then came the surprise visit home from Kathy. This lovely lady was the reason I got a job in NZ, and I will forever be so grateful for  her naturally Welsh mothering instinct of looking after me in a country far from home.

Mental health awareness week has recently passed and I have seen myself over the past few years,  slowly trying to make others aware of this ugly shadow, and how it can affect individual lives, but hopefully by not being one of those annoying, pushy types.

There will always be times of darkness that I will face with Mr D and I can't deny that I still face times when I notice myself starring into complete space, not knowing how long I have been like it, just knowing that my mind has been hitting me with doubt and negativity. However, I'm thankfully noticing the warning signs a lot earlier than usual, and I find a good walk in the fresh air with the pooch, or even the rain on times, usually does the trick!

The later half of 2017 can only be described as the start of the next new chapter, and I'm extremely excited to see where it is going to take me. I've also turned the dreaded big 3 0 but in some ways I am excited as to where my 30's will take me, if it's anything like my later 20's then bring it on!! 

All I have left to say, and my advice to anyone  who doesn't quite feel themselves at the moment, please believe in yourself. Whatever it is you are aiming to achieve I won't lie it will be hard at first, but you will eventually reach the goals you have put in place. I believed in myself and carrying out the small, manageable tasks it took me to get to where I have got to today has been absolutely worth it!!

Now to make a list of the next dreams! I will try my best to keep you updated.

H x