2016......What will it bring?

I can't deny it, the later half of 2014 and throughout 2015 have been by far the best times of my life to date. Life had thrown me many challenges up until  that point, times which I'm not proud of experiencing and emotions I'm still scared to feel again, but soon 2016 will start and I have been thinking about how, and if, it will be better than this past year?

I've never been someone to make, let alone keep New Years resolutions, and this year will be treated in exactly the same way. However since embarking on my travels in mid 2014 and the continued new adventures in life, I have started to believe in making myself promises I wish to try my hardest to keep.

Since returning home from New Zealand at the end of February and then from Scotland at the beginning of May, my 2015 life can only be described as being an emotional roller coaster, with certain highs and quite a few low moments. I made a promise to myself to try my hardest to remain positive when I came back home, and to begin with, this was possible, but in the foolishness of me believing things would change, things hadn't, and the curse of negativity began to creep back in (see Negative Voices). I eventually managed to find a job and decided to enrol myself on a college course in agriculture, the later of which had been a huge decision for me to take after being out of education for six years. The new job has been a big learning curve for me, mainly to see if I would be able to work in an office environment again after spending the majority of my past year working outdoors. As for the college course, it's proven to me that it's never too late to learn, especially when it will hopefully help me towards my future goals and I'm pleased to say I'm enjoying every second, even if I am a lot older than my fellow students.

As 2015 comes to a close, I feel as though I need to start making some serious decisions about where it is next I want to be.  I've ridden this emotional roller coaster for long enough now to come to realise that maybe the majority of what I'm experiencing at present isn't what I wish to continue doing in life. It could almost be said that in the last couple of months I have become a realist and have received a wake up call. I was diagnosed with depression and had a breakdown but decided to leave the familiar chaos to get my life back on track and I suppose you could say I got my shit together. I returned to a list of promises, which are clearly never going to happen even if several individuals try to make it obvious that they should, and I came to realise who my real friends are, who's precious to me and who I should spend treasured time with.

There was one obstacle that I had been putting off since my return to Wales in May, one thing which I had been dreading to have to do for the fear of bringing back too many bad memories, however I have managed to overcome it in the past fortnight and I'm finally proud to be able to tick it off my list. I have to ask myself was it necessary for me to be so worried about it? The answer, obviously not. This has now left me with a clean slate. A totally new beginning of where I want my life to lead.

85% of my decision has already been made as to what I need to do to make 2016 just as spectacular, if not better than 2015. The remaining 15% preventing me from doing so, are things which I have no control over anyway, however they are also very dear to me. The promises I have started to make to myself now will hopefully continue to grow into reality. I realise that my depression isn't going to drastically disappear, and from time to time it will make itself known to me again, however I have come to learn that in this short space of time of being home again, that I need to put myself first and make sure that what I decide to do makes me happy. I believed I could achieve it before, I just hope I can achieve it again.

H X